Breaking the Babysitter In
by Moonlite Knight
Summary: Well, if they had just simply accepted her as their new bodyguard, then they really wouldn’t be Fowls would they? Juliet starts her job as the twin's babysitter slash bodyguard.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: First and only time I'm going to say this for this fic. I don't own a single thing. Not one thing. Nope. _

**Breaking the Babysitter (In)**

"We don't need a babysitter," Myles, the self-elected spokestwin, stated with all the composure of an attorney. His twin, standing exactly half a pace to his left, nodded enthusiastically as though to emphasize his brother's words. "We're five, meaning we're too old for babysitters."

"Perhaps," Artemis replied nonchalantly, while wondering exactly _why_ he had ended up being the one the twins had taken their grievances to. Surely it would be better to petition to the parents, as it was their decision in the first place?

"So, no babysitters!" Myles repeated, frowning at the fact that his words were not getting the reactions that they deserved. They were five for crying out loud. Babysitter's were for babies, and he was _not_ a baby any longer. Beckett, maybe, but not him.

"Alright. No babysitters." Artemis put down his pen. It didn't seem like he'd been able to return to his work anytime soon. "But Juliet is still to be your bodyguard."

"No!" The twins simultaneously protested.

"Yes," Artemis replied coolly.

"No!"

"I am _not_ going to argue with you two about this," the former criminal mastermind informed his pouting brothers as he leaned back in his chair. "If you are not willing to listen to me, then go to Mother or Father." Like they should have done in the first place.

"They told us to come to you," Myles told him, not sounding anymore pleased with that than Artemis himself felt.

Traitors. Artemis was beginning to understand exactly why most individuals his age were not on the best of relations their parents.

"I shall infer that they mean for me to put an end to this nonsense," he said, propping his elbow on the desk and resting his chin on top it. He looked more at ease than his little brothers really thought he had a right to be. "Juliet is to be your bodyguard. You have no choice."

Myles reached into the oversized briefcase that he had lugged into the room and pulled out a notepad. Even from his seat on the other side of the desk, Artemis could see that the pad was filled with rather childish handwriting.

"We don't need a babysitter," Myles repeated, flipping through his book in search of the page he needed. He stopped at a point about halfway through. "And I have good reasons why. Reason Number One: I'm old enough to take care of myself. Beckett is too, most of the time."

Artemis raised an eyebrow in interest. The twins were really taking this seriously weren't they?

"Reason Two: We don't need to be followed everywhere. We don't go anywhere, we stay at home almost all the time."

Point, but the twins seemed to have failed to mention just how much trouble they managed to get into by simply wandering around at home as well.

"Reason three: We're kids. No one is going to want to kill us."

The fact that they thought that only proved that they _were_ kids.

"Reason Four: Juliet is a girl."

Just how many reasons did the twins have on their list? And just how many of them were even remotely valid?

"Reason Five—"

"Just one moment," Artemis interjected, rather rudely in Myles's opinion. "While I am impressed at how much effort you two have put into this, I just inquire as to how many reasons you have on your list."

Beckett, who had long since learned to filter out pointlessly large and fancy words that he didn't understand and get the gist of the statement, answered. "Lots."

"I see."

"You don't have to listen to them all if you make Juliet not be our babysitter." Myles attempted to bargain.

"Give me the short version," The former criminal mastermind replied with a smirk.

The twins gave identical scowls.

"Fine," Myles said, snapping his notebook shut and shoving it into his briefcase. "Beckett and I don't need babysitters. The only thing babysitters do is follow you around, make sure you stay alive, help you even if you don't need help, and ruin fun things. We don't need that, so we don't need a babysitter."

Artemis didn't reply right away. He reviewed the argument mentally several times before finally reaching the decision that he had not, unfortunately, misunderstood. "Well, according to that logic, Butler is my babysitter?"

He decided not to acknowledge the odd, strangled sound that came from behind to his left, where Butler had been silently observing the entire exchange. But it had better not have been a laugh.

Myles didn't answer immediately. Instead he took a moment to think it over and try to figure out how he could use that question to get his way. Beckett, however, had no time for such pointless measures. He brightly chirped out a "Yup!"

As Butler attempted to regain control of his facial features and Artemis mentally reviewed the reasons why he could _not_ deal with the twins in the same manner he dealt with anyone else that dared oppose him, Myles clapped a hand over his twin's mouth.

"I'm doing all the talking," He hissed in what was meant to be a whisper. "'member? You just stand there and look cute and pathetic."

Artemis raised an eyebrow at that. 'Pathetic'? Where had Myles picked up that word? Did he even know what it meant? Beckett clearly had no idea as he merely nodded and mimed zipping up his lips and throwing away the key.

Satisfied that there would be no more unnecessary and uneducated interruptions, Myles turned back to Artemis. "No babysitters."

Artemis decided that he was done playing 'nice brother'. It was polite and all to indulge in his brothers, but he really needed to get back to work. "Juliet is to be your babysitter, I mean, bodyguard. End of discussion."

"But—!" Myles and Beckett started in protest, only to be cut off.

"End of discussion."

Artemis didn't flinch at how the door slammed on the twin's way out but, he had to admit, he did wince a bit at what Myles shouted just before the door closed.

"You can't tell us what to do! You aren't Mommy or Dad!"

Artemis sighed and massaged his temples wearily. The headache that had started to grow during the entire encounter was now pounding mercilessly. "Then why do I feel like their parent at times?"

"Welcome to the world of being the eldest," Butler said from behind him, amusement coloring his voice. "Once you enter, there's no turning back."

Artemis didn't bother with a reply.

**TIME OUT 1**

**Next Time:**** If Artemis wasn't going to make Juliet leave them alone, then they would just have to do it themselves.**

_**Heard a rumor that Juliet will show up in the next book as the twin's bodyguard. So, of course, I **__**had**__** to write this. Why? Because that means the twins and Juliet will have a bigger role in the next book! Yay! Well, they better, or else I shall spam with more fics about them. :P**_

_**Anyways, please tell me what you think! If you don't like, then please be polite when saying so!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**_I've been trying to post this for over an hour now. If something is wacko, please tell me as it seems Ff .net really, really, _really _hates me. T_T_**

**_---  
_**

Since it was evident that Artemis was going to be a meanie and not help them out, the twins decided to take matters into their own hands. If Artemis wasn't going to make Juliet leave them alone, then they would just have to do it themselves. And the best way to do that, Myles decided, was to make sure that she didn't want to stay at Fowl Manor.

Naturally, that meant sneaking away and destroying Juliet's room.

Lucky for them, whichever maid had last cleaned out Juliet's room had forgotten to lock the room behind her. They had approximately an hour to do whatever they wished before their babysitter showed up. And they certainly let their imaginations run wild.

Twenty minutes after they had first entered the room, Myles took a step back and surveyed their work. Bed, check. Desk, check. Spiders on the walls, check. No toilet paper in the bathroom, check. Check, check, check.

"Done," he said, satisfied. Once Juliet saw this room, there was no way she was going to want to stay. Not even for dinner.

"Not yet!" Beckett protested, looking away from his task of filling all the plant's in room with coffee beans. "We still need the stickers. And the bugs."

"We have the bugs," Myles informed him, pointing at one of the spiders as it scurried across the wall. He didn't mention the stickers, which he really had forgotten about until his twin brought them up. It wasn't his fault he'd forgotten, he had a lot of other important stuff to do!"The spiders are good enough. Girls hate spiders."

"Really?" Beckett asked, sneaking a bite of a coffee bean. Yum. Though, it'd be much better with treacle.

"'member how old Artemis's driver screamed the time Dr. Oct escaped from his cage?" Myles smiled at the memory as he searched through his brief case for the stickers. Dr. Oct was his pet tarantula and, quite frankly, the best gift he'd ever gotten. Aside from Professor Primate of course.

"Oh, I 'member," Beckett said, eating another bean. "She screamed so loud, Butler thought bad guys were here!"

"Yes, so the spiders stay." Having finally located the stickers, Myles busied himself with pasting them all over the walls.

Beckett watched silently, having finished with his own task a while ago. Myles was halfway through his last sheet when the boy suddenly ran over to the light switch and began flipping it on and off, and on, and off, and on…

"What are you doing?" Myles demanded, trying to glare at his brother and blink away the flashes of color left by the room's sudden switches between brightness and darkness.

"Breaking the lights," the boy replied in a manner that clearly indicated that it was a dumb thing to ask. Couldn't Myles see him turning the lights on and off?

"It won't break like that," Myles scoffed, annoyed that he hadn't thought of that before his twin.

"Will so," Beckett countered. On, off, on, off, on, off. "Mum always says not to do this 'cause the lights will break."

Deciding that it was less painful to just keep his eyes shut, Myles said, "She says that 'cause it hurts her eyes."

"That's not why," On, off, on, off. The lights flickered for a moment, but turned on after a second.

"Yes it is."

"No." On, off, on, off.

"Yes—"

There was an odd frizzling sound and the lights didn't turn on again. The faint smell of smoke filled the dark room.

"Told you." Beckett said, smugly.

"Simple-toon." Was the reply he received.

Ignoring his brother's laughter, Myles pulled open the black curtains, just enough so that they bathed the room in a faint, eerie light. Perfect.

From his place at the door, Beckett giggled, "Juliet is going to scream and run away!"

"Yes," Myles agreed much more calmly. He eyed his twin who was still giggling, and had also started bouncing. "How many coffee beans did you eat?"

Beckett hopped closer. "Lots!"

Myles shrugged. It wasn't his fault if Beckett couldn't limit his caffeine intake. "Simple-toon."

The doorbell rang, the low tune echoing throughout the house. The babysitter had arrived.

"Let's go," Myles said, starting towards the front door.

"And say hi to Juliet!" Beckett finished, running past him.

Myles rolled his eyes and followed at a much more polite pace. He probably shouldn't have put the bag of coffee beans in Beckett's control now that he thought about it. Oh well, it wasn't his problem.

He reached the door just as the doorman opened it.

"Hi!" Beckett chirped happily as Juliet stepped in.

Myles glanced at him at the corner of his eye, wondering if the boy had already forgotten that they didn't want Juliet here. Then Beckett caught his eye and grinned even more widely. Myles resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Could his brother be any more obvious?

"Hey, Myles, Beckett!" Juliet grinned, squatting down to their level so that she could talk to them face to face much to Myles's annoyance. "How's it been? Still growing? Riding motorbikes yet?"

Myles scowled and didn't answer. Beckett's response was to stare blankly at her.

Juliet wasn't deterred. "No matter," she said, standing up. "I'll make sure you don't turn out dull like your older brother."

No she wouldn't, because she was going to leave. Very, very soon.

"Okay," Beckett agreed. Myles knew that he had absolutely no clue what dull meant.

Juliet ruffled the little boy's hair, and promptly regretted it, if the grimace on her face was anything to go by.

"What's wrong?" Beckett asked, his eyes wide open in what he no doubt believed was an innocent manner.

"Nothing," she replied, discreetly wiping her hands on cloth of the table behind her. "Where's Butler and your big brother?"

"Somewhere," Beckett said, pointing up.

"Alright, let me just put my bags away, and then we'll go look for them." She started up the stairs, a large green tote bag slung over one shoulder.

"Wait, where are you going?" Myles asked, speaking for the first time since Juliet had shown up. Why wasn't she going down the hall and to the right to her room?

Juliet paused and turned back to look at him. "To my room of course."

"But it's that way," Beckett told her, pointing in the correct direction.

"Didn't anyone tell you?" Juliet asked, surprised. "We decided that I should have the room next to yours. That way, I'll be closer to you both all the time."

Myles looked at Beckett. Beckett looked at Myles. Simultaneously, they turned to look at their grinning babysitter.

If that was Juliet's room, then just whose room had they remodeled?

**TIME OUT 2**

**---  
**

**Omake: **

Some days later, the maid opened the door to the room that had once belonged to Juliet Butler, and promptly screamed bloody murder.

And then fainted.

Stories of ghosts ran rampant among the small group that made up the staff of Fowl Manor for days. One former occupant of the supposed cursed room could be found happily encouraging them.

---

**_Next Time: "We need to form a plan," Myles ordered, snatching the 'talking stick' from his brother. "We should—" _**


End file.
